godsend
by Asakami
Summary: "Hello again, Death." Elsa/Anna. AU. Dark themes.
1. I

**disclaimer: **FROZEN story&amp;characters © DISNEY  
**warning: **dark/mature themes, graphic scenes, possible OOC (serious!Anna is serious!), language.

**a/n:** hello! _Frozen_ (アナと雪の女王) finally came out in Japan and damn it. How can I not love エルアナ (or what you guys in the west call "Elsanna")?! This idea is based on my other fic, _decretum_, buuuut I feel that the theme is more applicable here, so let's do this AND I'LL PUSH IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL.

(I.E. I've jumped onto the Elsanna bandwagon.)

NOTE: changed title, did some major editing—because I seriously did not know what I was high on when I made up the previous title.

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**_godsend_  
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"Help me…" She was on her knees.

Just ignore her.

"… please…" Her head was down on the floor.

…

There was no need for such a creature, they'd thought. She was an abomination. Her presence, her very existence was a mistake to begin with.

Banish her

Banish her

"BANISH HER."

Madly, _desperately, _she shook her head. "No, please don't…! I-I didn't choose to be like this!"

"BANISH HER."

They were perfect beings. Majestic, divine, celestial, _perfect. _This girl—no, this _creature_ was beautiful, make no mistake, but it was because she was _so _beautiful—

"BANISH HER."

—it was because she was so beautiful, that was why her blood would taint everything and _anything._

"No… please don't…"

"THROW HER AWAY."

She was shaking, in fear, and she was crying. Tears stained her pale cheeks as they flowed like blood. She was on the verge of giving up, but for some reason, for some _godforsaken _reason, a voice in her resonated—it told her that she _had to try. _

Two guards removed themselves from their position and approach the tiny figure of a girl. She was breathing, panting. Each grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to her feet. "Get up," they demanded coldly, completely ignoring the fact that if she wanted to, if she so much as _felt like it_, she could end their lives with a mere touch.

But why would she do such a thing? Why would she kill? She—

"I'm not a monster…!"

Shame. She was so beautiful.

Flawless platinum blonde hair.

Clear, blue, azure orbs. Like the skies.

_She was like the skies._

"I… I can control it, I promise…! Please, don't—"

No. She couldn't control it. No one in the past had been able to.

"THROW HER AWAY."

… _no one could control Death._

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It was odd. For some reason, she had always loved the burning sensation of alcohol that stirred in her stomach. She loved that disgusting reflex that burned in her throat whenever she gulped down a larger shot. She especially loved it when that feeling intensified—where it would burn and burn and _burn _until she could pass out.

Because once she passed out, there wouldn't be a care in the world. There would be no more responsibilities, no more laws, no more divinity.

_The gods wouldn't be able to control her. They wouldn't be able to order her._

She could just sleep.

It was ironic, though. She wanted to sleep, but here she was, surrounded by thundering music and disgusting strangers. The mere thought of this made her want to _kill_. It made her want to take life away from whoever the _fuck _dared to approach her. Grunting, she gestured at the bartender, "Another round, please."

But no, she had to stop thinking this way. She couldn't just _take lives—_

"Hey,"

She turned to the voice. A deep, solemn voice.

_Or… maybe she could._

At the same moment, the bartender placed her order in front of her. Twelve colourful shots align in two rows—quite aesthetically, too. She was ready to chug them all down in record-breaking time.

"I've been watching for a while now. You sure drink a lot for someone your size."

She stared blankly at him for a brief moment, like she had something profound to say. Then, she turned to pick up a shot. Brushing a loose strand of auburn hair behind her ear, "Drink with me?" she hummed musically, for she knew that whenever she spoke that way, they would always give in.

_And what do you know?_

A beaming smile spread across his cheeks, almost instantly.

She couldn't tell if it was an attractive smile or not—the lighting in this club was too dark.

And, _god damn_, she wouldn't care. She was so tired of this.

Gladly, he took the glass out of her hand and without hesitation, chugged the clear blue liquid down his throat. His chocolate-brown eyes never leaving her bright teal ones, he leaned an elbow onto the counter as he moved closer.

She caught him lick his lips and they glistened with a thin layer of saliva. Then came the smirk. To be honest, she knew what the hell he wanted since his approach. Men—no, _humans _were all the same. "Hey," she started before he could talk, and then she moved close enough so that she could breathe against his ear, "Let's get out of here."

His eyes sparkled. "Your place or mine?"

_God, she was hoping he'd say something more original. _"Just here is fine."

The sparkle disappeared. His eyes bulged. "I… beg your pardon?"

"The alley," she said coldly, pausing to down another shot before turning back to him, "You wouldn't want to remember my name in the morning anyway, right?"

And then there was raw hunger in his eyes. "You're right."

_Damn right she was._

He grabbed her by the wrist, pulling through crowds of sweaty strangers who were either high or drunk. Either way, they were too absorbed in their own little world to notice that they were basically being shoved aside forcefully. "Come on, then. Let's get out of here."

She sighed and she was dragged by force. _Jeez, no need to rush. I already said yes, _was what she wanted to voice aloud, but what would be the point? It wasn't like he'd care for her. It wasn't like she'd care for _him. _

It wasn't like he'd remember her tomorrow. Or even by tonight.

They (he) burst out of the backdoor. Not even checking if anyone else was occupying the narrow space, he pushed her against the wall, subsequently attacking her neck with his teeth, accompanied by unnecessary merciless strength.

_What was he trying to be, a vampire?_

She rolled her eyes to the thought. Sliding her arms around his neck, she held him close, encouraging him to bite harder so that he could ravage her, so that he could take her.

_Take her life._

Wouldn't that be nice?

Blood oozed out of the fresh bite wounds on her neck, and the man lapped the crimson liquids up, sucking hard to make her skin blotch.

She merely sighed at this… _sensation, _if you could even call it that.

"You're not very vocal, are you?" He grunted, thrusting a knee in between her legs as his large, calloused hands traced her curves.

She chuckled to this. "Hm? I guess you're just not very good to make me moan."

He smirked to her playful remark.

When in fact, she was being quite serious.

"I like you. I think I do want to know your name after all," his hands moved down, _down, _until he was at her rear. Without effort, he lifted her small body and grinded himself against her. "Take it off for me, will you?" He coaxed gently, pouting like a sad, _sad _child. "I'm in pain."

She could've laughed. Seeing this pathetic human behave like this, she _really _wanted to laugh.

"You won't be in pain," her slender hands circled around his neck. She wore a smile—a bright, innocent, _deceiving _smile. "It'll be over before you know it."

He lifted a brow. "What are y—" and was interrupted when the girl crashed her lips against his.

"…!"

Oh, what soft, luscious, perfect lips! He granted her entrance when her tongue flirted with his lower lip, begging for access. _Fuck. _She was a good kisser. He loved the way she suckled so hard on his tongue, almost like her life depended on it. He gave in, completely. She was so fucking incredible he couldn't feel his legs, he forgot how to breathe, and h-he… he didn't… _couldn't _feel his strength any longer. It was like everything escaped him. He wanted to dig his fingers into her fiery red hair. He wanted to make her scream and writhe beneath him right then and there but he couldn't do it. His mind and soul were escaping him, but he was _enjoying _it.

_Fuck. _

This girl could do whatever the hell she wanted because… god… _fuck him… _he was…

"What… what are you doing to me…?" he mustered the remaining strength in him to speak.

"I'm just…" the redhead whispered between breaths, "… having fun."

The man's body fell limp, but he didn't resist. He had no choice. There was something about her voice—something sweet and gentle and _venomous. _Everything about her felt so right but at the same time, everything felt so wrong.

"Y-you're not…"

And without warning, without even the slightest of precautions, there was nothing left in him. Like a ragdoll, he fell with gravity, landing hard onto the filthy cement of the alleyway.

The girl, now bored, stared coldly at the lifeless man. "Yep, I'm not…" a pause, "_Whatever _you think I am."

Sighing, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, _gracefully. _Yes, she couldn't forget her identity. She had to do everything in an elegant manner, or _they _would start judging again. Laws. Orders. Decree. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the wall she was trapped against mere moments ago and watched as the corpse below her decay. The smell of burning human flesh had never amused her, but the sight of it definitely did.

And sometimes, the sight of it could bring a smile to her face.

But not today.

Today, her target was a disappointment. _Sigh. _Such a disappointment. He was quite handsome too, so she'd expected quite a bit. But no, she wanted more. Like, at least, let her have some fun, right? Or… or maybe she was just too aggressive today. Yeah, she shouldn't have touched him so soon.

"I'll just find someone else to play with," the girl mused out loud as the body disintegrated into grey ashes. With her source of entertainment gone, she sighed (_how many times now?_) and tucked that annoying loose lock of auburn hair behind her ear, securing it in place before walking out of the alley.

The sky was dark, but it was awake, and there was no way she was going to go back so soon.

She wanted to play.

She wanted to play.

SHE HAD TO PLAY.

She was _itching _to play. This indescribable irritation that prickled at her heart could drive her over the edge of sanity—and _by the gods—_how she wished it could be that easy. Yes, the thought of insanity thrilled her, because insanity could cure her. Insanity could cure the _likes _of her.

Her bright, life-filled teal eyes glanced at her surroundings.

_Shehadtoplay_

People were still wandering around, but they were either puking their organs out or on the verge of passing out in the middle of the streets. How good would they be? Not the least, she'd say.

_Shehadtoplay_

The streetlights were gloomy, but she saw them as living souls, screaming at her to dance, to go wild, to run the cosmos wild.

SHEHADTOPLAYSHEHADTOPLAYSHEHADTOPLAY

Fuck. Anyone would do. Seriously, _anyone _would. She looked everywhere, and she started pacing. She was desperate. She needed to satiate this thirst… or was it _hunger_?

And so she began walking. She walked towards nothingness.

Why was she walking this way? Why, knowing very well that she'd only find emptiness at the end of it all, was she walking _this _way?

She didn't know—she didn't care.

Wherever her feet brought her, she would go, because there was absolutely nothing she could lose.

_The world didn't care for her, so why should she care for the world?_

…

And then she discovered her.

…

_She didn't care for the world, but…_

A girl.

A girl was sitting under a flickering streetlight, her face tucked in her knees. She looked like she was lost, and she was wearing very little—just a white blouse (so white, it was nearly transparent) and a black pair of shorts. If anything, she looked broken, vulnerable. _And vulnerability was the best._

She loved vulnerability.

Perfect. _She was perfect._

But would a girl work? Would she be enough?

She was approaching her, and she didn't even realize it. It was weird, because, _not to brag, _she was usually in control of the things around her. She had power and authority. Right now, though, she felt that something had drawn her here. For the first time, she wasn't in control. Some other, more divine being had drawn her to this place, right here—_drawn to this girl—_from the very moment her feet decided to take her down the empty street.

She swallowed.

This was something new.

_Would this girl be enough?_

And the girl, feeling some sort of strange, _warm _presence, came out of hiding. She looked up wearily.

"…"

Tired eyes. Tired, but sparkling eyes.

_Beautiful._

She was going to be frank. This girl was beautiful. Never in an eternity had she seen beauty in such a pure, innocent, and elegant form.

Her legs gave in and she fell to her knees, all without her knowing.

The girl simply continued to stare blankly. A stray platinum blonde lock of hair fell to cover an eye, and that plain colour of the strand hung there like a distraction, contrasting those magnificent azure eyes.

Those eyes. _Those eyes, those eyes, those eyes. _She wanted them. She wanted them because they looked so free and vast and blue—they were so much like the skies. She wanted to indulge herself in them, watch as the different flecks of blue in her irises twinkle with the slightest movements. She wanted them. She wanted them to look at her, to talk to her. She wanted _her._

"I'm in pain."

… _what? _The redhead blinked.

"Help me."

A plea, it was a plea. The stranger was the first to speak.

It should've been laughable. Really, it should've been.

The redhead smiled. She didn't know why and where it came from, but the urge to smile had never overcome her so greatly. Sadly for this girl, if she were expecting for an escort to the hospital or some sort of shelter from this chilly night, she had found the wrong person. 'Help' from her could only mean—

"Please, help me."

"What can I do?"—but she replied, nearly in an instant.

That weary and sorrowful expression of hers did not match what she was about to request, "Let me sleep with you," the platinum blonde whispered, her eyes fixated on her own teal ones.

Her eyes furrow. "What?"

Her form shook in anxiety. The redhead didn't notice, but the stranger was panting—almost hyperventilating.

"I-I need this…"

_Oh, such a sad, sad face._

Was this sympathy? The redhead moved a hand up, cupping the stranger's cheek and—_how strange—_there was no warmth. No human warmth. She was as cold as ice. It wasn't anything curious, though; winter was fast approaching, and poor girl was probably a prostitute. Or junkie. She probably ran away from an abusive customer. And was addicted to sex. _Ooh, that'd be nice. She probably couldn't live without mad sex._

The corners of her lips arched upwards. "I'll help you."

Relief radiated from the stranger's expression so distinctly, she could almost _feel _the joy emitting from her smile.

_There was something about that smile._

And it had been a while since she'd felt such a way. "Come with me," the redhead said.

The stranger licked her lips.

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Yes, she was going to help her. She was going to end her miserable life with a _bang. _She was going to show her how the best things in life could _kill—_only then could she leave this hopeless world without regret.

_Because she was helping her._

She pushed her into the room—_the closest hotel they could find was conveniently a block away—_and the heavy door behind them closed on its own. The redhead kissed her everywhere but the lips, moving from the soft earlobe to the smooth neck… and then to the hard collarbone to the heaving chest as her fingers danced delicately over the stranger's thin layers of clothing. She traced the blonde's curvy waist, and the feeling of how beautiful her body was almost made her sad. _Almost._

_Such a waste._

Without warning, the redhead grabbed onto her thin white blouse and tore it open, sending buttons flying. _Perfect. _Absolute perfection. The stranger's body was beautiful, but was very skinny—more so than expected. It was like… it was like she wasn't eating well enough. But that was okay; soon, she wouldn't have to worry about hunger. Soon, she'd—

_Wait._

The redhead blinked. A flash of a second, and she was pushed against the head of the bed.

_What just happened?_

Oh. She was trapped beneath the stranger. But _wow. _Should she even give a shit? She should just let the stranger do as she pleased, for the poor girl would never get another chance.

"I-I'm sorry…"

The redhead smiled and relaxed. "It's okay," she spoke as gently as possible, "I'm helping you, aren't I?"

A pause, and then the stranger answered with a smile of her own.

_There was something about that smile._

"I'm sorry," she said again. She knelt on the bed, strapping the redhead's thighs between her knees and she leaned in. She didn't lean in to kiss her, _no, _she just simply leaned in to breathe. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, planting small kisses on her neck.

_Please stop apologizing. _

Cool breaths of air brushed against her sensitive skin; the redhead arched into her touch and she wrapped an arm around the elegant figure above—_then she just wanted to cry. _She closed her eyes and pulled the stranger close. She did it to feel her. She did it so that her hands could slide up her creamy legs, stopping briefly at her rear and—

_Gasp_

—she gasped. The stranger reacted to her touch, bit onto her skin lightly and made her gasp.

Then after a brief moment of hesitation, she felt again. But there was no warmth; the stranger's body was ice-cold.

_Cold and alone._

The redhead moved her hands up, feeling that arch of the small of her back and sat up, pushing forward gently to wrap her arms around the stranger's waist tightly, securely.

_Cold and abandoned. _

"_Please, help me."_

The stranger's voice from earlier echoed in her mind. It was haunting, but the voice was beautiful. She wanted to listen to it, _again and again, _and she wanted to erase it from her memories. These contradicting thoughts clashed in a frenzied tantrum, and she did her best to suppress the noise in her head.

So, she managed, "I'll help you." The redhead spoke with her face buried in the girl's abdomen.

The platinum blonde tensed.

She felt that, and she wasn't sure whether it was because she spoke against her bare skin, or because she was acting like a goddamn _angel—_being helpful and all.

_(Hah. How ironic is that?)_

But, regardless, "You're so cold." She looked up. The light above the platinum blonde's head appeared like a halo. It turned her into a silhouette and it made her face look so much more mysterious.

_Who was the angel now?_

But _she _could see. The platinum blonde could see. She could see the blueness in the smaller girl's eyes—_they were like the ocean_—and they contrasted the fiery red hair so gracefully, she felt as though she was looking at a painting. The different shades of blue in those crystal orbs that looked so _alive_; the way her hair shone in a slight, golden haze under the light… everything looked so warm. Everything about this girl was so warm. Before she knew it, she was stroking her cheeks. _Gods, _even the temperature of her flesh matched the warm colours.

_Oh, and then there were the freckles. Cute, cute freckles._

Her fingers continued to stroke, to _feel. _The platinum blonde liked this, she decided. She liked this but she didn't understand why she was feeling guilty.

_Snap_

Her bra was loosened. The redhead had unclipped her from behind, leaving the lacy blue fabric dangling awkwardly, her breasts feeling more exposed than they already were but she paid no attention to that. She circled her slender arms around the girl beneath, guiding those warm lips that were travelling up her body _oh so teasingly _and she arched into her touch. Her mouth parting and closing with each breath she took, she finally hitched a gasp when those soft lips reach her chest.

Her face buried in the stranger's softness, the redhead looked up—with hopes of seeing some form of happiness. She figured that as long as this girl was pleasured, then there would be nothing to worry about. _Then she'd feel helped. _But when she looked up, she was surprised.

"…"

The girl was looking down at her. Those deep, azure eyes were on her.

Their gazes interlocked and there was something stellar about it. Like a spark, something inside the two ignited—something in their heart—something burst and coursed through their veins… something that felt _nice. _

And _nice_, to them, was a big deal.

They hesitated no longer.

Never looking away, the redhead kept an arm wrapped around the stranger's tiny waist as her other hand moved downwards to remove the latter's shorts. She pulled at the tight fabric, tugging it down and revealed a pair of lacy blue underwear—matching with her bra.

She licked her lips, unconsciously.

The stranger reacted to this by combing her fingers through her red hair.

_Oh god…_

The way those fingertips massaged her scalp—_god. _She closed her eyes and breathed in. With her so close, she was expecting to smell some sort of perfume, but… there was nothing.

_Nothing._

There was no scent.

This stranger was a cold, scentless, almost _lifeless _person. But she was _so _beautiful.

The words just slipped out—"You're so beautiful."

"…"

Then the stranger froze. Yes, ironic. She was already ice-cold, but she froze upon hearing that comment.

The redhead moved her fingers, slipping them between the girl's thighs. Her fingertips linger at her centre—and _finally, _warmth. Wetness seeping through the thin fabric, she felt an element of warmth. Enticed, she brushed against the taller girl's folds in feathery strokes.

"I…" the platinum blonde spoke out—and she sounded like she was whimpering, "… I'm n-not…"

_Not…?_

She pushed higher, fingers now damp with a substance she was far too familiar with. She watched as the stranger tried to speak, but all that escaped her lips were breathless gasps.

_That's it._

She wanted to hear her voice. Even if she was a cold, scentless, _lifeless _person, she was still beautiful. She had a voice. She had _sound._

So, she pushed the panties aside and teased her folds. Two fingers were inserting, bit by bit, into her warm, pulsing core.

The stranger purred. Like, she actually _purred. _Then she wrapped her arms around the smaller girl, hiding her face in her red hair. Her hips bucked reflexively when those fingers moved in the slowest, most _torturous _way possible. The blonde knew the redhead was silently asking for permission, but _fuck, _she didn't have to tease her like this.

"Please…" the stranger finally moaned.

_That's it._

The redhead let out a deep sigh. _Gods, her voice. _Encouraged and feeling completely refuelled, she pushed herself in—all the way—until her knuckles touched the opening.

"_Aah…!_"

Another moan. Shit. _Shit. _She could listen to her for an eternity, and she was _going to. _The redhead moved her wrist—slowly, _slowly, _out, and then she plunged in again, _all the way._

This time, the stranger threw her head back. Her mouth hung open; her body arched forward as her hips start to move in sync with the redhead's fingers.

Faster.

She pumped into the beautiful platinum blonde. The noises she made were no longer soft—they were sensual, but they were controlled. It was like she was holding back, but holding back for what, exactly? She wanted to tell her to let loose, to simply stop being so tensed. She wanted to kiss her and tell her that everything was going to be okay and that after this, she would no longer be in pain.

_Fuck. She wanted to kiss her so badly. _

But she couldn't. If she did, everything would end. This blissful,_ heavenly_ moment would cease, and she would have to find another source of entertainment to quench her endless thirst for _fun. _

God, this girl was so perfect.

What was wrong with her?

Why was she so _fucking _perfect?

Those moans that were controlled so well grew higher in pitch—the stranger was close, but she was holding back. Her fingernails raked so violently into the redhead's back, she was sure that she'd leave red claw marks on her freckled skin. But she was fine with it. Maybe she could remember this stranger by those scars. Face still buried in her soft chest, the redhead kissed her pale skin, which was now glistening under a thin layer of sweat.

Odd. She was sweating, but she was still ice-cold.

_Just what are you?—_the redhead wondered silently.

The platinum blonde's voice filled the emptiness of the room. Her moans bounced off the walls and it happened again—her mind wander around the same thought: was it possible for _him _to hear? She wondered if she was doing him proud. The picture of him smiling, welcoming her into his arms was her ultimate desire, her _reverie_. After all, _he _was the only one who cared for her. She would do anything, _absolutely _anything for him. But then…

She looked down.

This girl was innocent. This girl, _finger-fucking _her so relentlessly, kissing her skin with so much delicacy, and holding her… so _lovingly…_ She was innocent. Was it really right to just use someone like this? All thoughts were erased when could hold back no longer—the platinum blonde exploded, coming violently into redhead's palm; her liquids flowed freely down her thighs in small amounts.

To the redhead, the sight was almost romantic. She watched the platinum blonde lunge forward, hide in her neck as her body shook. It was cute; she rocked her hips, riding out the last of the aftershocks. She didn't know how else to describe this—it was just… it was utterly romantic.

Then the redhead fell back into the pillows, letting the stranger lie above her, shaking, and then she rewrapped her arms around the delicate figure. She inhaled again, with hopes of finding a new scent, but once again, there was _nothing._

So she simply rubbed this poor creature's back.

Not long after, she felt a kiss on her neck.

The stranger pulled back, smiling.

_There was something about that smile._

That was it, it was a sad smile. Look, her inner brows furrowed upwards—it was as though she was crying. _Such a deceiving smile._

Such a deceiving smile, but she couldn't help herself. The redhead reached up to cup her cheek. That smooth, soft, _soft _cheek. "You're so beautiful," —it slipped out again.

The stranger's expression did not change, but her actions did. Pulling back, she framed the smaller girl's face with her cold hands. She could see it, the icy temperature from her skin stunned the girl slightly, but she pressed on. "I'm not," she tried to widen her smile.

But, in turn, those inner brows only arched higher, making her expression appear even more sorrowful. She closed her eyes when the blonde leaned in—their foreheads touched.

"I'm anything _but_," she whispered.

The redhead gripped onto the fabric on the back of the stranger's blouse; she breathed in sharply. _Fuck_, she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to kiss her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. _She just wanted to kiss her so badly. _But no… _no_, she couldn't do that anymore.

All of a sudden, she didn't want to help her anymore.

"But you are," the platinum blonde spoke up again. She continued in another whisper, "… a-and I want to kiss you."

Her eyes widened.

_No._

The stranger moved in.

_No, please—_

The stranger dropped her eyelids.

_Stop, if you kiss me, you'll—_

She wanted to push her away, _she really did_, "No…"—but then she, too, closed her eyes. She closed her eyes and waited for that moment.

…

But that moment never came.

The redhead saw the sky. She opened her eyes and saw the stranger's azure orbs again. It made her lose her breath, it made her lose her mind. Looking into them pushed her _this much closer _to the edge of sanity, and she loved every moment of it.

The two stared at each other, wordlessly.

_I don't want to take your life._

Her hands followed the stranger's spine, travelling up, up, until she reached her nape. Her hands lingered there.

…

_Pull me in. Why won't you pull me in? _The platinum blonde spoke in her mind. Her chest was contracting—a burst of warmth exploded within her wherever this redhead touched. She'd never felt so warm before. And she really didn't want to admit it, but… she'd never feel this warm even when she slept with _him. _It felt so good… _so good_, she didn't want this to end. She wanted this to last.

_Just what are you, and how are you doing this to me?—_the platinum blonde wondered.

The smaller girl was holding onto her neck, and she was still framing her face. They were still as ice, with their lips millimeters apart. Just a flinch. Just a _tiny _flinch and they could touch—they could _kiss._

But neither moved.

Both _refused _to move.

"You were amazing,"

The redhead felt blood rushing up to her freckled cheeks. Yes, she—usually being the more flirtatious one—was actually _blushing. _"T-thank you."

"May I ask for your name?"

She felt the stranger's cool breath against her lips, and it tickled. Her words, however, did not simply _tickle_; they _stung_. She tried to stall, "Does it matter what my name is?"

"I just want to remember you," the blonde stated gently, "… before… before I kiss you."

_No. Don't kiss me._

She drew back slightly, just enough so that she could still feel her cool breath against her skin. "What's yours?"

The stranger smiled—_the same, sad smile. _"Does it matter?"

"I want to remember you, too."

She circled her arms around the smaller girl's neck, pulling her back in and their foreheads touched again. "Elsa," she leaned closer, "My name is Elsa."

The redhead watched those azure crystals disappear behind pink eyelids, and then she, too, closed her eyes.

_Stop… I don't want to help you anymore._

"I'm Anna."

_I want you to live, so that I can see you again._

_"… _Thank you, Anna."

_No… please, stop…_

… and then their lips touched.

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**a/n: **Like? Hate? Tell me through your reviews, and I'll see you guys soon. :)


	2. II

**disclaimer: **FROZEN story&amp;characters © DISNEY

**warning: **triggers. triggers everywhere. but this is relatively elsanna so I guess that makes up for everything? seriously though, don't do drugs, kids. don't do it.

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_**godsend  
**_**(II)**

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_I don't know who I am_

"_Hey, are you alright?"_

…

_I don't know why I'm here_

"_Aren't you cold?"_

…

_I don't know why no one wants me_

"… _please, Elsa, don't come near me anymore…"_

…

_I don't know why I exist_

"_NO! I SAID STAY AWAY."_

…

_I… I don't know what I am._

**.  
.**

The kiss should be all that was left. Just one kiss. _One _kiss, and everything would end. One kiss, and this girl would disappear from this world.

But Anna didn't want that.

Her eyes snapped open.

Lips still connected, Anna gripped onto the blonde's shoulders. She flipped them over, with herself now on top.

_Don't let her go. _

Elsa groaned into her mouth—undoubtedly surprised by the girl's roughness—but continued kissing nonetheless. Strange. This stranger was so eager, almost exactly like herself. It was like they had telepathy. Like they somehow knew each other, _inside out_. Like magic.

Whatever.

Anna grabbed onto the stranger's thighs, spreading them apart with a force so strong she feared she'd hurt her. So she paused and waited for a whimper, a cry.

But Elsa was unfazed; she kept on kissing.

_Cute_—Anna thought. Here she was, getting ready to ravage the poor soul again, and she was still kissing in the most…

_What do humans call it? Oh yes—_

… schoolgirl-way, ever. No tongues, just lips. It was like the blonde didn't know how to kiss. Or, at least, didn't have much experience with kissing. How could she be a prostitute? How could someone so innocent be a fucking _prostitute_? Anna pushed a knee between Elsa's centre, thrusting it against her moist core. How could this _girl _as for such a filthy, inelegant request?

Pitiful humans.

Anna rolled her knee into her. She could almost feel it herself—the burst of warmth shooting from Elsa's bundle of nerves up… up to her chest, and then she would have to moan out in _bliss_—

"Ah—_Anna_…!"

—_don't stop. _She thrust her tongue into Elsa. Their teeth clashed. Their tongues met and, while Elsa tried to avoid contact, Anna pushed further. She insisted. She forced herself into the kiss so deeply, the blonde's head was getting swallowed by the pillow she was resting on. Anna removed her knee and replaced it with a hand. Her thumb rolled at the blonde's swollen bud as she eased two fingers in.

More muffled moans escaped Elsa; her hands were searching frantically for something to grip onto, to which they finally resorted in holding at the fabric of the pillows above her head. Her hips bucked into the redhead's touch. Desperately, she matched the rhythm of her fingers, and just as desperately, Elsa tried to set the pace, but to no avail. Anna was in complete control. Those fingers were curling, scissoring, circling her insides and her thumb—_oh gods, Anna's thumb—_it was heavenly. It was the definition of Nirvana (if a monster like herself could ever attain it). She could be brought to a new height; Elsa could see the cliff—it was within her reach but _fuck._

_Anna. Anna. Anna._

Her name, muffled by the hungry kiss, came out as mere grunts. But to Anna, they sounded like beautiful, beautiful melodies sung by a goddess. And to hear her own name sung with such a beautiful voice, Anna could die happy.

_Oh, if only. How good it would be to die?_

The thought of it put her into a state of trance. Anna momentarily forgot what she was doing, until the muscles around her fingers clenched. The stranger needed to scream. She needed to breathe, but Anna would not allow it. To breathe meant to separate from the kiss, and to separate meant to _die. _

Pity.

Anna really liked this girl. She really, really did.

_Sigh_

If only. If only fate would allow her to be who she wanted to be. If only fate let her do as she pleased. If only fate gave her the power to take back the kiss. If only fate would let them meet at a different place, at a different time, as different people. Different _beings._

_If only._

Elsa tried to pull away.

Anna bit onto the blonde's lower lip, forcing her to stay put. Her canines sunk deep into the soft flesh, drawing blood. Metal-tasting, thick, crimson blood.

_Don't waste._

_Drink it—drink her up. _Anna did so gladly, savouring the pleasant taste, sliding her tongue over the wounds she'd created as her fingers thrust and thrust and _thrust—_

_Help _

_Help_

_Help me_

_Save me_

_Don't hurt me_

She was scared. Elsa was scared of this girl. W-why was she holding onto her so tightly? Why was she being so rough? Why… why was she _still kissing me?_

_Anna_

… but above all else, why wasn't this _Anna _dying?!

"Ah… _ahn…!"_

Elsa shattered. Her back arched and her toes curled. She tore her lips away from the fiery redhead and she screamed. Another coherent _Anna _was heard and then her body was no longer hers. The tremors in her lower regions spread like wildfire; she couldn't control it—she couldn't control herself.

_Oh the irony._

Anna stared with half-lidded eyes, mesmerized. The blonde's beautiful face was gleaming with a layer of sweat; she was flushed and worn out and in pain, pleasure—_fuck, she didn't know—_but her body was cold. It wasn't the unhealthy, sickly cold; it was more so an eerie-cold. Like, corpse-cold.

Which was strange. Or, premature. Because that was what she will become in a matter of—

…

Blink.

…

… _wait, what?_

She didn't realize it. The blonde was staring back. Their gazes interlocked. The two stared at each other. Teal and azure. Common colours of the nebulas and galaxies from afar.

It was an instinct—Anna was the first to make a move. She grazed the back of two fingers against the stranger's flushed cheek. Breath ragged, voice coarse, yet some part of her still chose to speak up, "You… you're still here…"

"…"

The element of confusion was masked by wonder. She kissed Elsa. Their lips touched. But why… _how _was she still alive? "What—"

The reaction was immediate—Elsa, body still trembling from her orgasm, turned away. She covered her face with her forearm; at last, creating a barrier between teal and azure. "I-I'm sorry…"

Anna's eyes narrowed.

Elsa sat up. Ignoring the soreness in her body, she pushed the smaller girl off and stumbled into the carpeted floor.

"Wait!" Anna jumped off the bed. "Please, wait! Elsa!"

Said girl froze on the spot. For a second, _just a second_, she turned back too meet the girl's eyes. Cold, teal eyes that contrasted the redness of her hair—_so beautiful. _

"Elsa…?"

A hand was on the handle of the door; Elsa was ready to leave—she was ready to _run away_. But… but Anna had call her name. She had called her name not once, but twice. The girl called her name like she cared. Who did that anymore? Who would care for _her_ anymore?

Elsa didn't know. She couldn't remember the last time it happened.

So she smiled.

A sad, sad, _pathetic _smile.

Then her mouth opened to speak. Elsa wanted to speak; her lips quivered and her hand clutched tightly onto the brass doorknob. She wanted to say something. Anything. _Anna…_

And Anna could see everything. She didn't know how to react. Should she respond? Should she stand up? Should she run to her? Should she do all three? Because that was what she wanted to do right now; she wanted to—

"I… I—"

Finally, words. Elsa was speaking, she—

—bit onto her lips. Trembling, in fear, tears threatened to stream down her flushed cheeks because she couldn't do it. She _couldn't say it. _So she stifled a whimper and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"No…" Anna jumped off the bed and instinctively ran after the blonde.

_No no no no no NO_

There was so much she wanted to ask, wanted to know. There was still so much about Elsa that she wanted to _discover _because she had never, ever felt this way towards someone before. She threw the door open, looked down both ends of the corridor and caught a glimpse of the blonde turning at a corner.

"Elsa!" her voice echoed loudly as she ran. She was certain that she'd wake the entire floor, but who was she to care in the first place? Who was she to care—about _humans_? Who was she to care so much about… about—"Please, don't go!"—this _stranger_? Anna took a sharp turn and made it to see the elevator door closing. She gritted her teeth and sprinted forward, slipping past the metal doors just in time, crashing into the platinum blonde.

Thoroughly surprised on her part, Elsa didn't have time to brace herself for the impact. When Anna burst in through the doors, into her arms, she took a few steps back until her head hit the wall of the elevator.

"Don't go. Please, don't go," Anna begged into the crook of her neck. Her arms wrapped tightly around the blonde's waist, she ensured that the latter wouldn't be able to escape before going on, pleading, repeating herself like a broken record.

And then Elsa felt her heart drop. Whatever came over her next could be dealt with later—_she moved her arms up_—because right now, right _fucking now_, she wanted to hold this girl. Elsa buried her nose into Anna's red hair, inhaling the scent in which she had found to be more than pleasant and took a moment to observe her surroundings.

They were in a cage of endless tunnels. The mirrors of the four walls surrounding them left an uncanny feeling in her gut. Elsa stared at her reflection, and it stared back. The intensity of the reflection's gaze was enough to burn a hole through her—so she looked away, hiding once again in Anna's hair because this was what the only way she could feel safe. _Oh god, yes—_it had been a while since she was held—_protected_—by a pair of arms, so strong and warm it made her feel safe. Elsa was able to put aside the feeling of cold and fear for as long as this radiating warmth wrapped itself around her. She closed her eyes, basked herself in the comforting heat and breathed out.

"I… y-you're…"

Anna heard the blonde speak into her head. She pulled back slightly, catching the sight of Elsa's unbuttoned dress shirt and loose bra. _Hn. _She didn't even get her shoes when she was running out of the room. Without looking up, Anna ran a palm from the taller girl's shoulder to her chest, taking in the coolness of her skin.

Elsa gasped.

"You can't really be…" the redhead spoke softly. Her palm left Elsa's chest to move up—up to cup that equally cold cheek before she leaned up slightly to capture those bruised lips.

A moan tore through Elsa's throat and the sudden contact was enough to surprise her so much that she dug her fingernails into the redhead's back. She scraped hard, _violently_ until the fabric of her shirt ripped and her skin bled.

_Please don't _

_Please don't kiss me_

_Please don't kiss me anymore_

Heat pooled in her lower abdomen. Elsa had to stop herself from wrapping her legs around Anna.

_I can't_

_I can't_

_I can't do this again_

_I don't want to get hurt again_

When Anna pulled away, Elsa's hold on her tightened. The two panted desperately. It seemed as though air was scarce in this space, but the truth was that both were simply dazed by the mere presence of the other.

Their eyes connected. For the _thousandth _time of the night, perhaps, and yet, the contact did not feel any less spectacular.

While Elsa searched through the different flecks of teal in the shorter girl's orbs, Anna indulged herself in the beauty of the taller girl.

"You're probably tired of hearing this," Anna broke the silence. Her hands were framing the blonde's cheekbones. She leaned in and their foreheads touched. "But I think you're beautiful."

Yes. She definitely did not want to _help _this girl any longer. She wanted to do everything and anything _but_.

And so she decided she would give it a try—"Don't go." Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa, leaning against the latter and the weight of their bodies shook the mirrored walls of the elevator, creating a rippling effect. Anna buried herself into the crook of the blonde's neck. _Nothing but the cold, _Anna thought. But she didn't care.

Then, she could see it. Elsa could see _him. _His silhouette, his charming smile, his eyes—clear forest green—images she believed to be remnants of the past were surfacing, filling her, _warming her. _

But memories were memories. She was in the present. Travelling along the stream of time. Together with reality. Dreadful, _painful _reality. Because life was harsh. But _death _was harsher.

Death was relentless, and that was why she knew, deep inside—no matter how much she wanted to lie to herself—this won't last_. _She understood reality, more so than anything else in the world. Yet still, she chose to lie to herself.

"You're not afraid of me…?" Elsa whispered. "Even if I'm…"

The blonde's cold breath brushed against Anna's ear. She didn't know what to do, but she did have the biggest, most profound urge to reply. "I'm no less different from you," Anna exhaled into the blonde's neck.

The warmth tickled her skin. Reflex made her giggle, and Elsa circled her pale arms around the figure's waist. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." A solid answer. But it wasn't enough. Anna _felt _that she had to do more, "A-and please, don't go…"

Elsa breathed out, smiling. "I've never met anyone like you. Like _me._"

The innocence and fragility in this stranger's voice—it was all too much. Anna's chest contracted in pain, fear, and sadness; she pulled back to meet the blonde's gaze. "I've heard that it's rare," Anna grabbed her hands, grasping them tightly, "But it is possible."

_Ah, his beautiful, bright, auburn hair. _

Elsa brushed the bangs away from the girl's forehead, only to have the untamed locks bounce back into their original places. "Have you heard of what will happen if the likes of _us _become too close?"

The redhead bit at her lower lip, "Yes. _Yes, _but I…" –but she did know that she was entranced—completely _enraptured _by her beauty, and she wasn't willing to let go until some other_ superior _force dragged her away. "I… I-I don't know, I just…"

"Anna,"

Said girl's jaw tensed upon hearing her name.

Elsa stroked the shorter girl's cheek. She tried to get the feeling of warmth—for as long as she could. "The consequences are severe."

Anna gripped onto the blonde's hands—more firmly than before. "I know." she gritted her teeth, leaning forward so their foreheads bumped, "But it's not fair…"

Elsa closed her eyes. She inhaled softly, taking in the smaller girl's fresh scent. Alcohol. There was a faint scent of alcohol, she realized. Elsa recognized this familiar scent—she discovered it amongst many of the humans she had slept with, but none of them could make something as sickening as alcohol so sweet, so alluring.

"Elsa…"

The girl shuddered.

"… I want you to stay," she said gently, "Just… just for a bit longer. Please. I won't ask anything more of you."

Elsa's breath was caught in her throat. She blinked as the redhead leaned in. And she waited. She _anticipated._

"Just for a bit…" her lips were mere millimeters apart from the blonde's. Her breath once again covering the latter's sensitive skin, and an audible moan escaped Elsa's throat, causing every fiber of her body to tingle. "Nobody has to know."

The blonde's breath hitched. "Anna…" she tensed when the girl's lips touched the corner of hers, "They will know. They always do."

"Then let them know."

Her vision blurred. Tears were gathering in her eyes and she didn't even know why. All she knew was that this Anna girl was an idiot. She was an idiot and was naïve and selfish but _dear gods, please—_"Anna…"

"Hmm?" she responded, wiping the taller girl's tears away with her thumb.

Elsa forced herself to smile. _He_ had always told her that she was the most beautiful when she looked happy. _He _had always said that he loved her most when she was happy. "Just one night."

A moment.

_Sigh_

"I understand," Anna moved in. She kissed the taller girl lightly on the lips. "Just one night,"

Elsa circled her arms around the redhead. "Yes…" she gasped as Anna hiked her skirt up to her hips, "… that's all I need…"

And then their lips met again.

… _to feel alive. _

.  
.

"I met a girl."

He blinked, curious as to how the comfortable silence could be wiped away so easily.

Anna tucked her knees closer to her chest. "She was beautiful."

His throat dried up. Knowing her for so long, this was the first time seeing her like this.

"She was really… really beautiful." Anna continued.

Sighing, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I wish I never kissed her."

"…"

Anna looked up at the man—he was gazing back, sympathetically. Like he pitied her. Like he knew how much _this_ was hurting her. Like he could feel her pain.

_Pain?_

…

"If I didn't kiss her, then at least I'd know…" Anna trailed off. She rocked her body back and forth—and then she spoke out again more so to herself than to her male companion. It felt good to voice her thoughts. Did humans feel this way when they go for… _what was it? _Confessions? "… At least I _wouldn't _know what she is."

He wished he could help.

"Kristoff…" Anna said, her voice muffling into her knees, "… I want to see her again."

His grip on her shoulder tightened.

She forced a smile. But tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I've never felt like this before. I've never wanted something so badly before."

He knelt down beside her, wiping her tears away with his thumb. Kristoff grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly, making her face him. In return, he flashed her a goofy grin—one wide enough that would usually make her break into giggles.

But not today.

Today, those teal eyes were not sparkling with joy. _No, _they were covered by tears—threatening to stream down those pink cheeks. "I want to see her."

The male by the name of Kristoff swallowed. He tried his best not to look sympathetic.

"Kristoff, _I want to see her_."

The words were so pronounced, so clear, so desperate. Sadly, he could not grant her wish, but—_oh god_—how he wished he could. Because he would do anything for her. If it meant to trade his life for her wish, he would do it. He was willing to do _anything_ for Anna.

"I didn't want to leave her…" Anna sobbed. Those tears finally let loose, "But if I stayed, she'd… she said that we would both get into serious trouble." It came out of nowhere—she suddenly started choking, _chuckling. _"Can you believe it? _Us, _trouble. Like, it sounds so different, so unknown, it's almost tempting."

_It's almost tempting. _

Kristoff's eyes narrowed. Anna had stopped talking. Anna _stopped. _This was not good—Anna _never _stopped. He knew her—Kristoff knew that when she _stopped_ doing whatever she was occupied with previously (be it laughter, an argument, or even throwing a tantrum), she would be in for something much, _much_ larger. And, just as he'd suspected—

Anna stood up. She took a deep breath, "I'm going to go now. I… I hope I'll see you soon."

The taller male grimaced. He reached to hold onto her wrist. He made sure his grip was tight.

The redhead turned to him.

A look of desperation—_please don't go—_a look that was far too familiar.

But Anna knew better. Gently, she pulled away, "Goodbye, Kristoff."

His hand lingered in the air, holding in that position because a _stupid _part of him was convinced that the girl would turn back. She would turn back if he showed how much it meant for her to _stay—_

"… I'm sorry," she said.

—_but then he knew_, no matter what he did, she'd let go. She'd never hold onto him.

.  
.

Just another life.

Elsa let the man have his way with her. The headboard slammed against the wall and the bed creaked dangerously, almost as if it was going to collapse, but she remained still. She let the human do as he pleased.

"Fuck."

She heard the human say.

"Fuck… I'm gonna come—"

She closed her eyes.

"Oh, god. _Fuck._"

His blunt fingernails dug into her hips but she didn't complain. She didn't even make a noise when his heat filled her—and_ god damn_, did she feel disgusted when he released. She turned her head away from the human who was trying to kiss her.

_Anna_

Elsa's eyes widened.

_What…?_

"You're so beautiful…"

_Anna_

Elsa's breath hitched. She panicked; all sense of control left her as she pushed the human off—she scrambled to the end of the bed and covered herself with the sheets. "No…"

"What's wrong?" the human asked.

She cowered behind the silk sheets, making herself look as small as possible. "Please don't…"

"Hey, little miss, what's wrong? We were having fun, weren't we?"

Elsa was shaking; she wrapped her arms around her head, "No, please, stay away from me!"

"Whoa, what's wrong with you?!" he grabbed her wrists, dragging her back and pinning them on either sides of her head.

She was hyperventilating. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she was trembling. She'd lost the ability to speak because she was _losing her mind _and this human was just staring at her like she was nothing but a piece of trash.

Maybe… maybe that was what she really was. Trash. After all, nobody ever wanted her.

_Anna_

Elsa gasped again. She found the strength to move, but she couldn't wriggle free from this human's tight grip.

"I'm going to fuck you until you can't move if you don't stay still, slut." He said, his voice grinding and threatening and _disgusting. _

_Please_

The human male held onto her wrists with one hand, pinning them above her head now and wrapped his hand around her thigh with the other. Spreading her legs apart, he leaned down and planted bites onto her porcelain skin—where he'd actually bite down _hard, _leaving bloody marks here and there.

His teeth bit at the skin on her breasts, on her collarbone, her neck, her earlobe, her cheek, the side of her lips—

"No!" Elsa turned away, deliberately avoiding his contact with her lips.

Grunting, he grabbed her by the cheeks and forced her to face him. "Don't fucking move." He dove into her, crashing his lips into hers and he bit _hard _at her soft skin. He could taste blood. Crimson red, cold (_cold?_), sweet fluids. Yes, _sweet_. Delicious, addicting, _sweet _taste of blood. This girl's blood—it tasted so good. _Oh god, she tasted so good. _

He pulled away, with hopes of meeting her gaze (because he thought she was beautiful)—the reason he chose her amongst the others on the streets. But she had them shut. Tears streamed out of the corner of her eyes and she was sobbing and a trail of blood was rolling down from her lips and _oh… what the hell… he was getting tired._

"Y-you're so…" he fought to keep his eyes open, "… so fucking beautiful…"

And Elsa opened her eyes in time to see him fall, bumping foreheads with her before landing at the side of her head.

Chest still heaving and body still trembling, Elsa made no motion to push the body off. His weight was on her entirely but that wasn't what bothered her. The fact that he was dead didn't bother her either. It was… it was the fact that she didn't stop that kiss. The fact that _she knew _it would come to this if he'd kiss her, but she didn't do anything about it. She didn't try hard enough to stop it.

Elsa didn't move for a while. Not even after the human's body disintegrated into thin air. Perhaps it was a form of punishment she was giving herself. Or it could even be a form of redemption—because the longer she stayed like this, the longer her next victim would live.

But no, she couldn't do that.

If she didn't _feed, _she'd be the one to die. And Elsa did not want to die. Ironic, wasn't it? A monster such as herself—who _resented_ so much of herself—wanted to live.

Right now, even. She wanted to live. She _needed _to live. Humans call it natural instinct, but she would simply define it as selfishness. Honestly, when was the last time she'd cared for someone? Not since _him_, perhaps. When was the last time she'd felt cared _for? _Not since _him_, either.

But then for the past few days, whenever these thoughts came to mind (which was always), another face besides _his _would show up. A certain redhead with freckles and teal crystal eyes and beautiful voice and that bright, _stellar _smile. She was radiating. If Elsa were the night sky then the redhead would be the stars. If she were the dark clouds then the redhead would be the sun that shone through.

Why, though? Why her? Just because she couldn't die?

… maybe. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was all Elsa wanted.

Maybe she was just tired of seeing things that she was fond of die.

_Yeah, probably. _

Elsa got off the bed. Her legs struggled to keep her balanced, but when have they _not_? She picked up her clothes, scattered around the room, and got dressed, ignoring the aches and pain on and in her body.

.  
.

Alcohol, drugs, and sex.

Humans seemed to find these things most appealing. To Elsa though, she'd much prefer drugs over the other two. But in order to get drugs, she would have to go through a lot. By that, it meant going through sex and alcohol and sex and alcohol and _sex—_

It was complicated, yes, but the result would always be worth it. _Or so she would tell herself.__  
_

She sat back, leaning against the cemented wall in the dark alley. This had already become a routine—she didn't even need to look, Elsa thought as she injected the clear, brown liquid into her arm. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and waited.

…

"… _Elsa."_

Elsa smiled. It was his voice. It was _him. _"Hmm?" she responded.

"_Can I… I mean, um, if it's okay with you,"_

She pictured him blushing and fiddling with his fingers.

"… _Can… s-sorry, I mean MAY. May I hold… h-hold your hand?"_

Elsa giggled. "Of course you may, silly." She reached out to him.

Her hand caught _nothing_, but she was holding onto _him. _She wrapped her arms around _him_, but she was hugging herself. She threw her head back as _he _moved in to kiss her neck, but she was touching herself. She let _him _push her onto the ground when she was the one falling down herself. And then she felt _him _on top of her. She wrapped her legs around _his _hips when it was her forearm; she rolled herself into _him _when it was her fingers. Elsa heard _him _moan the words over and over and _over and over _when it was just herself—

"Don't stop…"

"_Elsa."_

"Oh, _gods, _please…"

"_Elsa."_

Her fingers moved faster.

"_Elsa."_

"… hnngh…! _Ah…!_"

"_Elsa."_

She was on the edge, she was right _fucking there—_"Ahh…!"

"_You're beautiful."_

Her eyes snapped open—"_Anna!"_

…

_No_

_Not her_

_No. NO._

"No…" Elsa sat up. She searched on the ground—_fuck, what was she searching for?!_—the spoon. The spoon and… a-and the lighter. God, damn it, _fuck_, she couldn't see. And she couldn't breathe. Her hands were trembling and she didn't know what she was doing and _fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK what was she thinking, get the FUCKING SYRINGE. _Elsa grabbed it and checked. She gritted her teeth, whimpering in frustration. _Of course _she used all. She always used it all. It was so stupid. She was stupid because she'd always tell herself to conserve so that she wouldn't suffer like she was suffering _right fucking now, but no, she was stupid. _

Now, she was _out_ and there was nothing she could do about it. She was a wreck and was in desperate need of _him—_no, s… she… "I-I… need" … needed _him—yes—_"NO!"

Elsa wrapped herself into a ball, fetal position. It felt so good just minutes ago and now she felt like she was being burned alive. And she _knew _how it was like to be burnt alive, so this was a perfect analogy. It was all rainbows and sunshine and now she was in a storm. Elsa clutched onto her head, tugging at her hair to channel the pain in… _everywhere _up to her head. If only her head hurt then nothing else would.

"_Elsa."_

_His _voice. She rolled onto her back and opened her eyes, looking up into the grey sky. Breathing and seeing and focusing in general was still difficult, but she tried. She tried for _him_.

It was raining. The light from the gloomy sky shone into the narrow alley and Elsa imagined that what she was seeing right now was what it would be like when people died. Going through a tunnel of light. Because that was what it looked like right now. Blinding, but peaceful.

Her throat was dry and clogged up. Still, she _tried. _"… I'm sorry."

Sound of raindrops.

She closed her eyes.

…

_Ugh. _She felt sick. The side effects were kicking in. And she knew they'd be kicking in _big _because she wasn't _thinking _earlier, shooting so much dosage into herself.

At least, she could tell, the rain wasn't as heavy.

Elsa opened her eyes.

… _what?_

The sky turned black. No, her surroundings were black. Elsa squinted, forcing herself to focus.

"…"

_No_

Her vision was blurry and fuzzy and blinding and everything _unclear_ at the same time, but she could see.

A pair of teal orbs, behind thick, dark lashes.

And if she could focus a bit better, she would see those cute freckles.

"Elsa."

Her breath was caught in her throat. Suddenly she felt the redhead touching her hands, _ever so gently_, over her head. Anna was easing her grip, making Elsa release her hold on her hair.

"You're really stupid." Anna said, stroking the blonde's cheeks with her thumbs.

_Oh, it was kicking in big, _Elsa thought. "I am," she whispered.

"…"

Her hands were shaking as she reached for Anna's face. "I… want."

"What do you want?" Anna asked, leaning into Elsa's cold touch.

"I-I… I don't know…"

She sighed. Anna glanced at the syringe at the corner of her eyes. "Why were you doing that, Elsa?"

Elsa shut her eyes tightly and bit onto her lower lip, grimacing because she didn't know how to answer. _Gods. _She was starting to think that this might not be a hallucination. That this _might _just be Anna. "Just… for a bit… i-it helps m-me… dream…"

Anna could see—the blonde was in so much pain.

_Pain. _Yes.

Elsa was like a reflection of herself. Like, she could see a bit of herself in Elsa. Lost. Confused. Trapped. It was all too common for beings like them, but Elsa was dealing with this in the dumbest way possible. "Dream?" Anna pulled her up into her arms. She turned to whisper into her ear, "… about what?"

Elsa didn't respond. Because this really _was _Anna, and she was far too messed up to give her a coherent reply. So she snuggled into the redhead's shoulder, not minding at all that her clothes were sticky and wet and gross from the rain.

Getting no answer, Anna heaved another sigh. She stroked the back of Elsa's head. "Dreaming is all I have left, too."

_Then let's dream together_—Elsa wanted to say. But she couldn't. She could only hope that Anna understood her meaning when she pulled back to smile.

.  
.

* * *

**a/n: **sorry this took so long. reviews/favourites/follows are greatly welcomed &amp; are a great source of motivation!


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